Sledging in England
Two games into the year and I have been very quiet on the sledging caper. Not because I am in England, but like all facets of the game you need to ease yourself back in.
Both games this year I have sledged the opening batsman, both time they have been young fellas. This isn’t going to be a recurring theme; I generally get frustrated with opening batsmen who occupy the crease like they are in line for Bon Jovi tickets
The first one could bat a bit, and my sledging probably wouldn’t have even been called sledging in the northern suburbs of Melbourne. The second guy I gave it to a bit more. He pissed me off on almost every level.
He couldn’t hit the ball off the square, kept complaining about the pitch (480 runs were scored in about 100 overs), was never ready when the bowler came in, and had more nervous ticks than a state mental hospital. He pissed me off, and I don’t care about his age, he is playing men’s cricket, he should expected to be treated like a man.
I didn’t say anything personal to him, just the basics, “this is the hard end to bat” no matter which end he was batting at, “he is not good enough to hit these”, “how the fuck is he still out here”, and etc. My favourite was the one he bit at, “that could have gone anywhere” to which he replied, “I didn’t hit it”, and I retorted with, “That’s only cause your not good enough”.
Most of these were from short leg, where I fielded without a helmet, and when asked whether I wanted a helmet I said, “I don’t need one for this guy” while staring at him. One of the times in my life I can be tough is fielding at short leg without a helmet. I did a lot of staring at him, and he gave me a lot of nervous glances, before looking away and tugging at his gear for a while.
To his credit the boy stayed in, I don’t know how, but he did. Eventually he got on the bowlers nerves as well. It was partly because he kept playing and missing, and mostly because he was never ready when the bowler got to the top of his mark. This is a big mistake if you can’t play the short ball when facing fiery South Africans who are too quick for you to hit.
Eventually the inevitable happened, and the kid copped one on the scone. He ducked into it in true modern batsmen idiot style. Apparently I laughed, I don’t remember that, but I was the first person over there to check if he was ok, and he was. About that time the South Africans, of which we ha three all woke up, and the started in with the gentle jibes as well.
Our captain Johnny, got a bit nervous, and after some gentle ribbing about the fact he may not be up to scoring in front of point, which was clearly getting under his skin, Johnny told me to keep it down. I may have been told to stop sledging in Australia once, but it was for more sweary, personal and louder stuff than this.
The next two shots were slogs trying to get the ball infront of the wicket, both of them limped one bounce short of fielders. Then I came on to bowl, and his second ball he faced me he charged down and hit it straight to mid off who dropped, and the kid apologised.
I’d like to think he wasn’t just apologising for the shot, but for the last 2 hours of my life. Having to watch him play and miss, scoop and edge, fidget and fuck around. It was torturous, and he knew, oh he knew. The next over he went out, probably on purpose, he had seen the old ball off an hour before, and now he was just wasting the overs.
I ran over to pat him on the back when he went out, as I do to anyone who has defied logic (anyone can make runs if they have talent, it takes rreal courage to stay out there when you know you are shit and could get hurt). And at the end of the game I said well batted when I shook his hand, but he was having none of it. I’m not sure if he was pissed off at the treatment, or pissed off I had just poopscooped the game away.
